16 weeks

and I can't wait to give birth.

The lower back pain is painful and my ligament is stretching like nobody business.

Nausea and headache are getting an upgrade. I used to get it late after asar and now been getting it right after Dzuhur.

Even M noticed that.

I feel some kicking. I think.
I have to say that sensational feeling takes me away to the moon. Even looking at my belly in the mirror brings unspeakable feeling.

Of course, there are times I couldn't believe it's happening, but yes it did.

Bart keeps nudging his head to my belly. I noticed in the morning he will speak to the belly (or baby).
I hope when the baby comes out, they will entertain each other. Bart is too clingy and demanding. I heard babies are too.

I keep getting the fullness in my ear and that TV's monotone sound. But I choose just to deal with it by ignoring it. the belly and lower back pain are my top list priority.

Talked to mak yesterday. She looks ok. I was so sad, I cried whole night to sleep. I pray that she will recover from this monster C. May there will be a miracle. May Allah answer my prayer.

I need to be focused and be happy for the sake of mak and for the baby.

It difficult. May I find strength in this ordeal.

week 11 day 5

last night was horrible!

i pretty much had a pleasant 11 weeks morning sickness free. probably due to my morning person attitude makes me chirpy in the AM in kinda set the happy mood.
but at night time is a totally different story. but Alhamdullilah, it was not that bad.

except yesterday.

Oh boy, i havent had a panic attack for a while and i did.

Scared the hell out of me. well the thing is, it was minor. but enough to make me to dial 811

oh baby in my belly. please make it easy for mommy/mak/mum/amma/maman/mama whatever you want to call me when you big enough to speak.

for now i cant wait to see you. if y'know what i mean

week 8

tonight i feel nauseated.
i've been chowing junk food and i knew it's bad.
i have to say that my pregnancy is not as bad as people i knew but it's not as typical normal day like some too.
it is okay. i am just feeling a bit tired but I am okay. for first timer for an oldie like me it is okay.
probably, this is the way Allah wants to compensate my inadequate friends morally support.
i pretty much have less or none to peers to pamper my malay food craving.
in fact i lost my interest to one of fav dishes.
well, i have no problem eating it when i put it in my mouth but i just cant imagine or think about it.
the thought of it makes me feel like to puke hard.

ok. having said that and having the image in my brain box, i gotta go to the loo. my mouth full with saliva. i feel like to gag

It starts here

right at this moment, after my 5th IUI for the course of 5 years of trying, we both hoping for something good.

i dont put too much hope since I didnt take Menopur. M was on biz trip to Oman and unlike in Ottawa, we used pen instead of syringe. the worse part, the nurse was not available to  help me out ( it's a paid service). since each medication cost around $300, i just settled with let the nature do its thing.

I forgot the doc's name but she's more informative than the other 2 doctors. not that they are not any good but she told me that the mucus is clear and it gave a good indication. and M hold my hands and really the way i am hoping but he sucks at PDA. so it speaks volume for him to do that.

let's pray for something good.

i shed too much tears and countless prayers. it's just getting weary each time when i saw the spot.